Watch This Space

The nice thing about going ON about stuff, is it bores even me when I later go back to read it. It always seems to give me an attitude adjustment.

I just need to get over myself and get my act together. Violins already, oh, it was soooo hard walking through the airport because I'm too freakin fat -- oh gimme a break. Yes, it sucks! Hell yeah! It's freakin HORRIBLE. No doubt!

So DO something! Sheesh. I make even my own eyes roll up in exasperation sometimes.

I kinda wish I could plan lowcarb. You know, then before I did it, I could eat the things I love the most (like fresh squeezed orange juice, and fresh pumpernickel). But no. When I get the up the gumption to DO something finally, it's always a decision in the NOW, something that puts determination and fear and hope all together in one package that has to be opened and implemented right then or lost.

So I am officially back to eating proper lowcarb again. I didn't eat today (Saturday) until 10pm, and very little. Some carbs but hardly any. That's bad of course -- my problem is not-eating, more than eating badly, but I was so physically miserable from the whole airport/walking experience that I spent most the day lying in bed sleeping and waiting for my muscles to recuperate enough to move. I wasn't eating because I wasn't up. I'll do better tomorrow.

At the store tonight I got stuff for a variety of egg dishes, lots of pork for a semi-chili verde dish, and some hot spicy sausage and hamburger to make morning meatballs with. I am not intending to be ultra-low-carb indefinitely, I actually hope to be moderate-low and 'cycle', but I need to kick in ketosis and kill the cravings that doing so is likely to invoke and drop the water weight I'm carrying.

I start a new weight and exercise spreadsheet Monday 5/14.

My goals:

1 - high protein damn it. If I don't get at least 120g protein a day my body is eating itself. Gross. And not fair.

2 - low carb. I'm re-inducting here so it's mostly meat-egg and some cheese and a few basic veggies in very small amounts (like avocado, tomato, onion, peppers) for now.

3 - timed small meals. I work from home for godssakes, how hard can it be to eat every 3 hours? I don't want to hear any more excuses from myself about this. Make it work.

4 - water. I should be drinking at least a gallon of water a day, preferably more. I have a huge britta container. I work from home. There is no reason this should be hard.

5 - exercise. Next time I think walking through an airport is going to hospitalize me, maybe it friggin should. It's not like I don't have more than enough education about what I can do to lose fat, gain muscle, improve my oxygen absorption, etc. I'm a walking encyclopedia of invaluable fitness information I haven't been bothering to use.

6 - attention. Part of paying attention to what the bleep I'm doing with my food and exercise and life, is planning it out and writing it down.

7 - intention. meaning in part, prayer. I don't care what the religion of the day is for me, if I can't find 30 seconds twice a day to thank God for my life and ask for help in getting my act together on all fronts, then I don't really want to do it. I probably should have put this first.

8 - expectation. I need to weigh and find out the reality of the moment, and set a goal, and expect that when I next weigh, it's going to be closer to my goal. I really believe that the mind helps the body -- that they are inseparable -- and that making what I want clear, matters.

I promise that next weekend you will hear from me and it will be good news about proactive behavior and measurable results.

PJ
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