Birthdays and Goals

I turn 44 Monday, September 14th.

I've been working hard on 'parsing' immense amounts more stuff out of my house, and the rest much more condensed and organized. The result being vastly less clutter and more space. (Is it just me or is it nearly impossible not to associate house-clutter with bodyfat?)

We're painting a couple rooms this weekend, including my hideously dark blotchy bedroom. That is sure to change my environment drastically and cheerfully.

Here's hoping that as a result of all this effort, I feel more accomplished by Monday. :-) Because I haven't really accomplished anything on the weight front this year.

It occurs to me there are a lot of different ways to set goals. Not just daily but the larger stuff. What the scale says is one but surely there are many others.

So what do other people think? What do you make as your 'goals'? What is the criteria by which you judge if you've accomplished something useful in the previous year's time??

PJ
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Bon Appétit! Independence Day '07

For years I've made a habit of implementing major personal changes around Independence Day. Sometimes it's starting something new, sometimes it's ending something I've done for a long time. It just seems like an appropriate time for things like that.

I use Independence Day the way some people do New Years. Which is a good thing, since my score at keeping New Year's Resolutions is abysmal!

***

The last year has been a real pain in the butt for me, but mostly in constructive ways. I've started dealing with some of the more major issues in life.

In the last 12 months I've re-initiated lowcarb again, which I suspect is the only reason I'm currently alive. I've lost around 100 lbs, I've improved my mobility by a few orders of magnitude, I've ditched several medical symptoms like acid reflux, asthma and allergies (in direct proportion to how much I ditch eating grains).

I got my seven-years-ex husband to move the hell out again, since he wasn't my mate, didn't pay rent or any expenses, didn't spend time with the kid, and severely over-occupied the entire house. That made a huge improvement in my life too.

My ten year old gained nearly 40 lbs of pure fat in the 18 months he lived here, in part under the agreement he'd make healthy food for her I didn't have time/energy to (but mac&cheese, McDonalds, etc. was the reality of his efforts in the end). Her eating plan is now a lot more sane, and has almost zero junk/fast food or carby/ sugary stuff. Meanwhile she recently attained Jr. Brown Belt in Gojo Ryu Karate.

In short, my life has improved radically in nearly every way since last Independence Day, mostly since last mid-September. I have a long way to go in every way, but I've made a solid start on good things.

***

So this Independence Day, I decided to come up with one thing -- just one -- that I consider a thing I need freedom from. It has to be something that will require actual work, and that is very important, yet just ONE thing. Not a whole complex of stuff, not a need for perfection starting now, just one single solitary point that I feel I should focus my attention on: physically, metaphysically, psychologically, spiritually, you name it.

I thought about it for awhile. I've had a lot of insights the last several weeks about my troubles with eating; that is, my tendency to NOT eat, which does nothing but help maintain the spare-nothing/ store-everything metabolism that made me huge in the first place.

I believe there are a number of pretty serious psychological issues behind this, most amounting to decades of behavior based on severe PTSD from my younger life. To some degree I think I use food as a "control issue" with myself. I think I've been deeply repressing an 'institutionalized rage' much of my life, which gets turned in on myself, and my refusal for most of my adult life to eat, until hunger finally drove me to eating carbs at night, is an adaptive response to that.

I don't kid myself that I can cure the degree of PTSD my childhood brought about just because I want to lose weight. I'm not that optimistic. But I do believe that consciousness creates, and that we do have control of ourselves if we focus our intent in that direction.

This one issue, EATING, weaves into the larger web of my life. I believe that as simple as it may seem on the surface, my difficulty with doing it often enough over the last six months suggests it's nearly to the degree of 'eating disorder'.

Thing is, I don't lose fat if I don't eat enough and frequently. Period. The last six weeks proves that well enough, though I've seen that evidence before. If I can't get myself to EAT, my body is not going to let go of the extra fat. If I don't let go of the extra fat, my fitness and functional level will never get anywhere near where I want it to be.

I want to live. I want to feel good and be able to do cool and fun things with my kid and my friends. So in a way, it all boils down to dealing with "first things first": I gotta eat!

I want to be free from the chronic psychological stress that runs under the surface of me and causes distortions--I'm sure my issues with not eating are really only one of several issues that probably relate to it.

It's a big job, dealing with something that is deeply psychological... emotional as well as physical. It's not just about the numbers I make each day. It's not really about protein grams. It's about being free and loving enough with myself that I WANT to take care of myself and do so.

***

So, freedom from whatever inner long-term drama is screwing up my eating habits is what I wish for this year.

From now until next Independence Day, I want to be working on that. I want to meditate on it, pray about it, and pay close attention to it. If there is one thing I want to be sure is changed, improved, and taken care of by next Independence Day, this is it.

Bon Appétit!

PJ

MY Fabulous 52: Goals for the Next Year

And here it is. I now have 52 goals and a year to accomplish them. I'm convinced if I am focused and remind myself of them often that I can get a whole lot more done in my life than the alternative -- the normal "life passing by" without attention!

In no order, so I can shuffle them without having to renumber later. :-)

Health and Fitness (6)

* shake off the burden of at least 100 more pounds of body fat.

* be able to walk three miles at a moderate pace without stopping.

* be able to ride 30 minutes on my exercise bike (any level, 80rpm) without stopping.

* be able to do my kneebend-holds for at least five minutes.

* have the muscle to do at least 8 squats without harming my knees.

* establish enough habit where eventually I can say I have exercised every day for two months.

Commitments to Others (7)

* SM's birthday present from 9/06 is getting a little old. How bout sending it?

* K's ebay to germany is like four months overdue. 6/19/07

* Send all the promised disks to S, given all the stuff she sends ME, sheesh. 6/19/07

* E's shirataki noodles are aging in a box by the door. Send already!! 6/19/07

* clean up and sell printer-toner-etc. (worth 5K or so) for at least 1K, owe A half of the result

* C's website is broken, the database interface area. Fix it.

* Either quit fully or finally do the new T site for C.

* get M's project finished programming and ready to open

* transfer RW's site to the PF 6/19/07

Medical (6)

* get the kid to the dentist for pre-braces consideration

* get the kid to doc and referral for minor surgery to remove skin tag

* get myself to dentist and get tooth fragments removed

House Stuff, minor (6)

* get pot rack hung up in kitchen

* replace hallway thermostat with one that has a display that actually works

* assemble slant-desk and put in room.

* add shelves to the walls in the kid's room to deal with stuff.

* add high shelf on one kitchen wall, to store food books and vases

* get some kind of alarm for the big garage freezer so if power goes out I'll know

Finance (2)

* Establish an actual budget, especially for food and kids' clothes, and really good tracking system for all income.

* Come up with a payment plan for all debts, no matter how pathetic, including some saving, and stick to it.

Family (1)

* Work out a detailed chores list for kid and be a hardass about making her learn some responsibility and dependability.

House Stuff, major (10)

* patch bathtub, or put in a cover-tub, or...

* get a motor put in the giant attic fan, get it to work

* replace bathroom sink-cabinet with something that fits

* replace kitchen under-sink plumbing with something that works

* make a ramp up the cat window of the garage

* get drip irrigation set up for backyard garden

* paint my bedroom

* paint the living room

* paint the kitchen and finish painting and replace cabinets

* tear out carpet in weights room and clean and wax floor, whatever its nature

Organization and Parsing

--Hobbies, anomalies study (1)

* get boxes of CD/DVD media sorted, all the massive uploading to FTP done where needed, database software created and data entered, and then disks stored or given away so they are not in boxes sitting around.

--Hobbies, music (3)

* figure out how to make my musical keyboard work again.

* Find a decent place to store keyboard and other various instruments that have no place

* Move the three guitars, amp etc. into the exercise room or living room perhaps.

--Hobbies, sewing and crochet (2)

* use at least 50% of all material to sew something useful; get rid of at least 25% of the rest of it, so the storage is not so much stuff.

* get rid of all the lovely yarn I'm never doing anything with. Use one of the trunks to store the last of the material with.

--House, General (9)

* go through all the tubs of 'stuff to do something with'. Get rid of as much as possible. Put the rest AWAY already.

* go through all remaining books. Give all away that I can. Condense the rest into minimal storage space.

* make ceiling anchored hangers for various candle holder presents

* give away or sell huge 1200 air conditioner in garage

* give away or throw away stored Y2K food in 5g buckets stored in garage

* get ex to take his boxes, books, etc. out of here

* when finished painting (...) get rid of the ton of painting materials, paints, etc. in garage

* get rid of or move all the stuff on the 2 black shelves in living room

* get all new media onto media tower. Use TV center if more space is needed. If there isn't enough space, consider getting rid of some of the VCR tapes.

...and last but should be first:

* Pray. EVERY DAY.

---

Longer Term, Post 1-Year Goals

* New refrigerator

* New carpet

* Invisalign for me! (clear braces)

* Eventually, skin surgery, but that's years down the road with low bodyfat%

Immediate 1-3 month goals:

* Get weight/squat cage put back together 6/17/07

* Come up with several pairs of sweats for outdoor exercise... make or buy

* Sell enough stuff... save enough money... whatever... to get the kid & me a small non-inflateable (we have cats!) pool for the summer

* Save money, deposit, pay for half, go on vacation Sep-Oct

* Fix exercise bike, if it has a problem

The Fabulous 52

"If you want something to get done, give it to the busiest person."
-- busines maxim

Have you ever noticed that when scheduled, more stuff seems to get accomplished? Do you ever have those times where you go through an hour, a day, a week or weekend, a month, and it seems like not a whole helluva lot actually got done in the end?

I've been thinking about a variety of motivational menus along these lines; there's a whole smorgasbord of spiffy slogans and precise little plans that one could use to schedule their life as well as German trains.

I was looking around my house earlier. You've heard the saying, "the walls talked back," perhaps. My walls probably would, but they are muffled and gagged by the amount of junk stuck in front of them, waiting for something to be done.

My house projects, life projects, health projects, kid projects, garage projects, and other "goals" are starting to stretch into the horizon of infinity.

And if I'm not making a ton of headway on them, perhaps it is because I am not really trying. I am not constantly reminded of them. I don't have any actual schedule for them. They just become "wishes," lost to the binary oblivion of blogging or the neurological randomization of daydreams and unfulfilled plans.

It's time to expand my horizons, increase my recognition of my own potential, and explore the increased 'attention' value that reminder and planning for goals brings.

So to this end I am creating The Fabulous 52. Also known as, "52 accomplishments I will get off my ass and do within the next calendar year, because I rock and I deserve to do that for myself."

These have to be possible -- and reasonable -- for happening within a year from now. Nothing that will take 2 years in any sane guess, or will require more money than 3 years of saving could come up with. They have to be things I control, e.g., I can't count my kid's hopeful weight loss in there no matter how much I want to help her, that's her goal not mine. It can be anything from a construction project to a spiritual goal.

There are 52 weeks in a year. How much is it to ask that I "average" accomplishing one thing of importance a week? (It can vary of course, I might do none on the list for a few weeks, then cover a dozen in the next couple.) If the things I would put on my F-52 list are not worth having some priority, why are they on the list? It needs to be stuff I really do want to get done. I can add and remove things from the list over time.

The important thing is that I take the time to MAKE the list and to POST it somewhere, yes ON PAPER 'cause I'm a luddite, in my house, so I can SEE it. And to make a weekly habit of briefly reviewing it. 30 seconds a week to review. How hard is that? So the list takes time? -- how much time do I spend on the internet? I have time to make a list of what is truly important to me.

So next up, soon as I get them worked out (or most of 'em anyway), is my Fabulous 52 for the next year of my hopefully productive life!

PJ
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On the Road Again

I'm feeling ok about things at the moment. Downright cheerful, even.

My food has failed abysmally to be anywhere near my count plans. It's generally a mile short of every number, especially calories, as I've been having a hard time eating enough and if it weren't for high-protein/low-carb slimfast in a can I might not have ingested anything several days the last week. But I'm working on keeping at least protein up sufficiently high, if nothing else, and today I've done ok. My only problem is a lack of prepared food, plans, etc.: a problem of my own making.

My exercise (see Tomboy Tough) has been somewhere between hilarious and traumatic, as I realize I'm not qualified to get on and off an exercise bicycle, let alone ride the damn thing. If I do a back exercise with light weights, such as the bent over row, the stress of other things -- my bent leg holding my body, my arm on the bench, contribute so many working muscle groups to the overall exercise that it becomes a highly compound core exercise that makes me pant and sweat, instead of something simple. I can't get anywhere near the exercises I wanted to do most -- lunge and squat -- so instead bend my legs so I'm about 1/3 of a kneebend, then just hold it as long as I can. Today set a record: 40 seconds. Heh. Let's just say the entire experience is as much an adjustment for my ego as it is for my body.

But you know what? I'm doing it. It's hard as hell sometimes to not want to just get JUNK because it's quick and there -- Taco Bell is literally like a family food group for me -- but I don't. It's hard as hell to do the working out stuff, which is so exhausting, sweat profusely drips off me on everything to the point where I have to wear a towel now, that's how exhausting it is -- and yet, I like the feel of doing it and I like the feel of accomplishment when it's over.

I feel like I'm on the road again: on the path to that big "doing something good with my life." The details are fuzzy still. The close up journey is decidedly imperfect. The goals are so far away I can't begin to read the signs. But the sweat and the soreness and the scale gradually going down (now at lowest weight ever since I first began losing weight) tells me I must be doing something right.

I can't tell you when I'll be even halfway there, but I'm kinda proud of myself, to be able to say that I am truly on the road.

PJ
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Where I Am!

OK! I started where I am. 381 pounds!

I can finally say again, "I lost 100 lbs!" About time. I know that's a number that would make most people want to swan-dive off a bridge, but since I started at 482 way back when, it's a number I feel pretty good about. My goal is to reach at least 365 -- preferably 350 but that may be unreasonable -- by the end of this 12 week cycle (which is Aug 5).

Nearly five months off lowcarb had added enough water weight that it's taken me three weeks to drop it. From now on though, anything I lose should be fat.

As soon as I can find my tape measure, I'll have that plus a body fat% measure that's done based on those. Doesn't really matter how exact it is, since it's the "change" I'm interested in over time. I want to focus a lot more on body fat% and not just weight.

o0o

See my TT blog for exercise stuff. I've been doing it. It's working... as much as it can, given my weight. This first week is easy, next week I hope to find my max weights for proper workout, and I'm on my way.

It's been Ozark storming so much I haven't been able to use the cool walking park my city just built. And some stupid kid (either mine or my housekeeper's) stole the power cord from my overpriced exercise bike for some reason. I'm feeling very growly about that at the moment!

o0o

I've planned a menu for next week, for the five weekdays. I'm working on eating more this weekend but the official menus start Monday. I must shop today or tomorrow for a few things to finish it off. It allows me to plan all food, 6 eating times a day, prep most things ahead of time at least partly for superfast food, and have great numbers.

I got a burr coffee grinder (economical but great reviews), an electric french press, some 100% kona coffee, and more of the 24% butterfat dutched cocoa. I'm going to start having mochas in the morning (with half&half). I know, this has some carbs, and it's caffeine -- of course, that's half of why I want it, haha! -- but it just sounds so decadent.

I feel like I'm treating myself well, somehow. Like even just taking the time to make something nice for myself to drink is itself a special kindness to myself. I don't normally even make the time to make food for myself, let alone something special, except the occasional experiments I post here. It's funny but it seems like the lowcarb approach has, in the end, had a lot more to do with respecting my body and taking time to do something decent for it, than just the food choices themselves.

For most people it's an eating plan... for me it's therapy. :-)
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Avoiding the Obvious

I was going to write an essay about how my body reacts to lowcarb vs. non-lowcarb, but after seeing the graph I made to summarize my history of lowcarbing (dating back to 1/1/2005), I realized it says more than I ever could.



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Watch This Space

The nice thing about going ON about stuff, is it bores even me when I later go back to read it. It always seems to give me an attitude adjustment.

I just need to get over myself and get my act together. Violins already, oh, it was soooo hard walking through the airport because I'm too freakin fat -- oh gimme a break. Yes, it sucks! Hell yeah! It's freakin HORRIBLE. No doubt!

So DO something! Sheesh. I make even my own eyes roll up in exasperation sometimes.

I kinda wish I could plan lowcarb. You know, then before I did it, I could eat the things I love the most (like fresh squeezed orange juice, and fresh pumpernickel). But no. When I get the up the gumption to DO something finally, it's always a decision in the NOW, something that puts determination and fear and hope all together in one package that has to be opened and implemented right then or lost.

So I am officially back to eating proper lowcarb again. I didn't eat today (Saturday) until 10pm, and very little. Some carbs but hardly any. That's bad of course -- my problem is not-eating, more than eating badly, but I was so physically miserable from the whole airport/walking experience that I spent most the day lying in bed sleeping and waiting for my muscles to recuperate enough to move. I wasn't eating because I wasn't up. I'll do better tomorrow.

At the store tonight I got stuff for a variety of egg dishes, lots of pork for a semi-chili verde dish, and some hot spicy sausage and hamburger to make morning meatballs with. I am not intending to be ultra-low-carb indefinitely, I actually hope to be moderate-low and 'cycle', but I need to kick in ketosis and kill the cravings that doing so is likely to invoke and drop the water weight I'm carrying.

I start a new weight and exercise spreadsheet Monday 5/14.

My goals:

1 - high protein damn it. If I don't get at least 120g protein a day my body is eating itself. Gross. And not fair.

2 - low carb. I'm re-inducting here so it's mostly meat-egg and some cheese and a few basic veggies in very small amounts (like avocado, tomato, onion, peppers) for now.

3 - timed small meals. I work from home for godssakes, how hard can it be to eat every 3 hours? I don't want to hear any more excuses from myself about this. Make it work.

4 - water. I should be drinking at least a gallon of water a day, preferably more. I have a huge britta container. I work from home. There is no reason this should be hard.

5 - exercise. Next time I think walking through an airport is going to hospitalize me, maybe it friggin should. It's not like I don't have more than enough education about what I can do to lose fat, gain muscle, improve my oxygen absorption, etc. I'm a walking encyclopedia of invaluable fitness information I haven't been bothering to use.

6 - attention. Part of paying attention to what the bleep I'm doing with my food and exercise and life, is planning it out and writing it down.

7 - intention. meaning in part, prayer. I don't care what the religion of the day is for me, if I can't find 30 seconds twice a day to thank God for my life and ask for help in getting my act together on all fronts, then I don't really want to do it. I probably should have put this first.

8 - expectation. I need to weigh and find out the reality of the moment, and set a goal, and expect that when I next weigh, it's going to be closer to my goal. I really believe that the mind helps the body -- that they are inseparable -- and that making what I want clear, matters.

I promise that next weekend you will hear from me and it will be good news about proactive behavior and measurable results.

PJ
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The Big O

A new experience is making such a big difference for me:

Organization.

(Heh. I bet you thought this was about something else.)

I've had a real challenge while on low carb, especially the last 2 months, with a variety of factors, including:

How many of us work our butts off for someone else, but... only "hope to get around to" the things we want to do?

* remembering to eat
* remembering to weigh myself
* remembering to take my supplements at all, let alone 3x a day
* being able to drink water consistently through the day so that I can get a gallon in by the end of the day
* not eating frequently enough (rather than only once or twice a day, or meals separated by 6 hours)
* not preparing properly so when I go to eat, there is something lowcarb available that does not take me 30 minutes to pull together (if at all)

...All of which combines to other side effects, like not getting nearly enough protein each day, and more.

Yeah I know. After reading that you're thinking, "You can't remember to eat?! You have no brain!"

Yes, there is that...

But seriously, I wake up in the morning and I'm into the "get kid to school mode" and then I move on to the "I work from home mode" and that's that. I'm used to putting the kid, the job, in fact everything, before "me" on my priority list.

I'm very focused. When I'm doing thing X, I am totally doing it. I'm busy, and I don't remember to do stuff until usually late afternoon, when I realized I've blown it yet again -- I didn't eat frequently, I didn't drink water, weigh myself, take supplements, get stuff ready that I needed, etc. 15+ years of eating one meal a day and tuning out the world while I obsessed on work is a hard habit to break.

How many people are unusually competent as mothers or church planners or business people but feel like they're constantly a day late, a dollar short, and behind the 8-ball in their personal life?

So my friend was telling me, "Set your alarm!" and I said well then I'd have to reset it a zillion times a day. I heard myself say that and thought to myself, "My gosh, am I the laziest human alive?! You know, I think I might be!" Talk about making excuses. But it got me thinking about it.

I had prepared a ton of chili verde, in the fridge and the freezer, in those little Glad plastic 4oz (1/2 cup) containers. I had baked some Cocoa Muffincakes v1.8 which began a healthy muffin and turned into a sweet treat by the time I was done with it. So for the first time in awhile, I had actually prepared food in advance that I could eat as needed. Plus I have a variety of stuff right now that I could munch on if I chose.

So the day BEFORE today, I sat down, considering what I had in my fridge and pre-pared, and worked out what I should eat today that would bring my nutrition numbers to my ideal.

Why did I never think of doing this before? Planning my food in advance? As if I have to be so undisciplined that I require spontaneity for food or something, how silly -- it's not like I don't know what I like. (Surely, until recently, humans were usually very carefully planning food in advance and/or eating whatever had to be eaten before it spoiled.)

I put the info in my spreadsheet that I use as a food journal, with set times. Every so many minutes or hours, I was due to do something, usually combined with eating. I would eat X, or Y; I would weigh myself; and I made a point that each time I needed to eat, I would grab my 1/2 gallon water bottle, drink 8 long gulps, and then go do whatever I was doing. After I finished eating I would try to drink 8-16 more gulps, which when you are eating meat is not that hard because it makes you thirsty.

I set my alarm. And when it went off I would instantly re-set it for the next time (90 minutes later), do my thing, and come back to work. It didn't take hardly any time, contrary to my expectation that getting up so many times a day would be too time consuming.

The result is:

* Today was by far my most ideal nutrition counts in the four months I've been lowcarbing.
* I drank a full gallon of water today and never did I really feel like I was waterlogging myself, because it was very gradual and consistent.
* I had many separate eating times of very small amounts throughout the day. I never felt hungry, I never felt full. The more protein your weight requires you get in, the more you need multiple meals, since taking massive protein/fat in one meal isn't really ideal.
* Since my food's planned ahead I never reached the middle of a prep only to discover we are now out of something I need, or it has gone bad.
* I got far more movement in my day since I had to get up every 90 minutes.
* I went to the bathroom every 90 minutes (remember that gallon of water!) but it wasn't like being 'constantly interrupted' for it, because I was already up doing my thing anyway, so it just became a routine.
* I actually felt like I was accomplishing something!

Now attach praying, stretching, weighing, taking vitamins, etc. to some of those 'timed events' and you have a very constructive day.

I knew it was going to be a successful day. How could it not be? I had a plan!

And importantly, it's never much. It's never like some gigantic effort, like making a big meal or doing an hour of exercise or drinking a whole quart of water or something else that's a real pain no fun. Every 90 minutes, I drop what I'm doing and do what I should -- and it usually doesn't take longer than 5-10 minutes max. And by the end of the day, I find that I have accomplished a LOT -- all in tiny little pieces.

o0o

So in addition to my "lowcarb lifestyle", I have other things that are important to me, from prayer to getting my kid to karate. My friend pointed out that for 20 bucks there is a great electronic scheduler with alarm at Amazon. You can schedule any number of "appointments" -- every Thursday at 5:30 for example, to get ready for karate, or weekdays, or one-time things -- or, a regular "eating+" schedule that is consistent and happens in many segments throughout the day.

I could do this on my computer now -- but I'm not always at my computer, so that's not convenient. Something small that could be clipped on a purse, belt, backpack, tossed in the car to travel with you, could combine work and personal AND even your "plan of discipline" sounds fabulous to me. I ordered it, so when I get it later this week I'll let you know what I think.

Meanwhile, I actually made nearly 200g of protein today, a full gallon of water, at 20 carbs and 2200 calories -- and everything I ate was fabulous. I wasn't stressed or rushing. I wasn't trying to do math in my head and guess about my food or 'forage' in a hurry for lunch. I got my prayers and stretching and other things taken care of. And from the beginning of my day, here's the kicker:

I KNEW IT WAS GOING TO BE A SUCCESSFUL DAY.

How could it not be? I had a plan!
I had everything all worked out ahead of time.

It was easy, it was fast, and it got done.

Think about it. We plan our work days, our meetings, our lesson plans, our grocery lists. Those of us who do jobs like project management for a living, plan the 'flow' of things so there are no surprises (we hope), no panicking rush, no running out of resources, no bottleneck vs. desert of workflow for vendors and contractors, etc. We plan it, we document it, we report on it.

Funny most of us don't put as much "Organization" into the rest of our lives, isn't it? Why NOT pre-plan and schedule your food/water and minor activities? It's not like you can't change your mind if you need to. Isn't LIFE at least as important as the job? Isn't being competent and feeling good about what we accomplish in many areas just as important personally as professionally?

I'm used to putting the kid, the job, in fact everything, before "me" on my priority list.

Why not "get my act together" by sitting down and making a plan for shopping, for pre-cooking/storing, eating, and all the little things I must do? Why not set an alarm or organizer-reminder so that we get it all done regularly, unhurriedly, gradually -- and perfectly?

Many years ago in Los Angeles as an independent contractor (troubleshooting, mfg. line process, software training, etc.) my business card said, "Organizing Your Organization." Why not organize my own life? How many of us work our butts off for someone else, but then for ourselves, only "hope to get around to" the things we want to do?

How many people are unusually competent as mothers or church planners or business people but feel like they're constantly a day late, a dollar short, and behind the 8-ball in their personal life? Maybe it's because we aren't used to making the same kind of effort on behalf of ourselves that we do for others.

The Big O is now underway. I'm making plans. I'm following plans. And it's pretty amazing, frankly, how with a minimum of effort, I am accomplishing more than ever.
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Seat Belts

Six months ago I was stopped by a police officer in a neighboring town. He was so young and beautiful. Damn.

He suggested that I had to wear my seat belt. I explained to him that I couldn't. My '88 Cad seatbelt didn't begin to fit, I had been unable to find any info online or at dealer about an extension. One of the bizarre things I never knew is that almost every car's seatbelt is unique. So there is no such thing as an extension that would fit any seatbelt. He said he understood, warned me I might be stopped by others, wished me well.

As he walked away, I muttered under my breath, "Loovvvvve a man in uniform."

At the same instant, my incorrigible ten year old turns to watch him walk away, her eyes wide, and breathes, "He oughtta be AN UNDERWEAR MODEL!"

I nearly choked! What on earth does SHE know about underwear models?! My gosh!

Hilarious. But that's beside the point of this post...

Today I did the normal routine. Pull half the strap around the front of me, as much around my waist as possible -- and I realized...

It fits. Not only that, it wasn't even any real problem to fasten it. It's snug, but not insanely so.

Maybe I am one of the few people who would be proud of being able to wear a seatbelt, but there you go. One more sign lowcarb is working.

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It's the New Year!!

Year 2007 Resolutions

SECTION A: Me Me Me

A1. I resolve to stop for at least 15 seconds within the first 30 minutes of waking up each day, to concentrate on FEELING GRATEFUL FOR MY LIFE, and FEELING LOVED, and FEELING HOPE ABOUT MY FUTURE. And to say, "Please help me" to the Divine. 15 seconds. How hard is this?

A2. I resolve for one year, this year, to care more about myself than others. My first duty is to myself. When I am happy and cared for, I can be of better help to all -- and a better, stronger example for my daughter. My motto is WWXD: What Would Xena Do?

A3. I resolve to bring regular exercise, at least 3 times per week to begin, into my life. This may have to begin with little more than counting how many seconds I can hold a half sit-up and things like that: that is fine. But it has to be something.

A4. I resolve to make a genuine effort to get at least 6 hours of sleep per night. If this means I don't get as much done and see my best friend less, then that is what it means. My health, my weight loss, my attitude, my mental clarity, are paramount.

A5. I resolve, when affordable, to get my nails done regularly. Though the left hand must be super-short, keeping the right hand short to moderate length but strong will be great for guitar, and keeping them up and painted will be a small concession to luxury and taking care of myself.

A6. I resolve to do at least one archetype meditation per week that is specific to either weight/size-loss, health, or something else important in my life. It doesn't have to take a long time. The impact of these on my reality is profound. There is no excuse for not taking 15 minutes for this.

That is all for the ME category.

I COME FIRST.

SECTION B: Kid Kid Kid

B1. I resolve as of February on to bring my entire house into lowcarb eating. I will supply fruits for snack, LC bread and LC tortillas, but otherwise the child will have to learn to eat lowcarb. There is no excuse as a mother for feeding her crap because it is faster/easier/she begs. She's nearly fat. My responsibility as a mother is to her health, more than to my convenience.

B2. I resolve to get the kid to bed at a decent hour nightly and without bedtime carbs. She is chronically sleep deprived, often unsupervised during the night, and has learned disrespect for my efforts on this front. Aside from which it probably greatly affects her HGH output and metabolism. I will do what is needed because that is my duty as a loving mother.

B3. I resolve to make the kid do stuff with me. Allowing her to play video games or whatever instead of helping me cook, allowing her to do no chores but be messy, is just bad for her, and it diminishes time spent together and her sense of contribution to our mutual life.

That is all for the KID category.

BETTER PARENTING NOW.

SECTION C: Food Food Food

C1. I resolve to use a kitchen timer so that every 90 minutes from waking to sleeping, I am reminded to drink as much water as I can hold. At the most this should involve approximately 6 minutes per day. Six minutes to greatly improve my weight loss, my skin hydration, my health. I can do this. This means filtering water and filling water bottles at night or morning. YES, I can do this.

C2. I resolve to take at least two days per month to do some major LC cooking that can be stored in the freezer. Examples: chili verde, chicken stew, a big turkey, big meatballs, LC burritos. It can make the diff between LC turkey and pepperjack with fresh vegg quesadilla for me and kid vs..... junk or starving.

C3. I resolve to at least mention my food a minimum of 5 out of 7 days per week in my lowcarb journal. Inattention to my eating (and to eating at all) contributes to poorer upkeep of the matter.

C4. I resolve to arrange for my breakfast the night before, so it has pre-planning and is more likely to happen. This is the hardest meal of the day for me so far, but it hugely affects how hungry I am and the effort I will make to eat the rest of the day. Now that I know several foods I can prepare in bulk, there is no reason why I can't arrange for something, even if it's just a couple mini-muffins, a couple meatballs, whatever.

That is all for the FOOD category.

FOOD IS A TOOL: USE IT WISELY.

SECTION D: Others Others Others

D1. I resolve to make a list of the people I need to communicate with and to make a point to email or write them something at least every six weeks. I am falling out of touch with people who care about me and hurting their feelings. It does not take much effort! Just a little organization.

D2. I resolve to visit my grandmother for a couple hours at least once a month. She's old, she lives 5 blocks away, there is just no excuse for not doing so. Ry must come. She can read a book if she's bored but she needs to learn that this is a family responsibility. When I am old I hope someone visits ME.

That is all for the "others" category.

CHARITY STARTS AT HOME.

And that is my 2007 list of resolutions!

I AM QUEEN OF MY DESTINY! RULE WELL.

Here's to a fabulous 2007!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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The First Sign-Post on the Long Way Home

Today it is OFFICIAL!

I added this icon to my LC forum signature:



Starting: 482. Today: 381. 101 lbs lost so far.

Heh. Yay for me!


Edited to add a P.S: funny. I fell asleep for a short time early this evening and dreamed that someone reading my blog told me the yellow post titles were just not ideal. I explained how I tried to fix them back to red, that they made themselves yellow. This is what can happen when you fall asleep with a laptop open to a website on your lap! ;-)
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12 Week Goal: Met and Passed!

I began lowcarb on September 18.
My first 12 weeks end on December 10.

My 12 week goal was to lose from 467 to 400.

I'm at 395, so it looks like I made my goal!

A few days early, even. Yay!

I know weight loss is technically expected to slow down, but I plan to be more proactive the next three months than I have been the last month. (I've been lousy the last month. The only reason month#2 came out so well is because the first 2 weeks of it were before my "no appetite/uncaring" phase hit.)

I'm planning to make my next 12-week end goal 340. That 12 weeks will be December 18 to March 11.

I have a very cool spreadsheet I use for tracking 12-week weight patterns, includes the math and a graph on another page, any of y'all who want a copy for your own use just let me know.
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