Morbid Obesity: Protein Salvation

I gripe a lot. Hell, to hear me tell it, you'd think I was like Atlas with the world on my shoulders, slaving away on .07 carbs a day with no weight loss for a century. But really, my history is like this:

My high weight was around 520. I had no scale. I had to estimate, when the grain elevator later told me 482 and I knew I'd lost some. By the time I joined a lowcarb forum online I was 467. A little less than 4 months later, I weighed 395. (I bought an oversized digital scale so I could tell!)

In the last 26 months, I have mostly eaten lowcarb. I have failed dismally at incorporating many veggies into my diet--I don't like them generally, is why. I have not done well at drinking fluids, and only just a week ago 'cut down on' diet drinks to maybe 1 drink every couple days. I have not done well at taking vitamins until a couple months ago when I finally got that act together.

I've had several periods where I was off lowcarb altogether, and eating an astonishing amount of crap food, apparently in the childish stomping-tantrum of, "If I'm going to be fat anyway, and not lose weight even while eating well, then I'm going to eat what I want! Nyah!"

In 26 months I have lost 20 lbs. I didn't just become a lowcarber, I became the Undead: apparently I am stuck "for eternity" unchanged, it feels like.

But the majority of time, I have been eating lowcarb. I have varied between under 30 to 70 carbs/day.

Note: I recently blogged about exercise and morbid obesity over at Tomboy Tough.

But it's really all about protein. How much energy I have today depends directly on how much protein I ate yesterday, and indirectly on how much protein I ate the two days before that.

I've gotten to the point where I think that insufficient protein might be the second biggest problem for the morbidly obese. Animal protein is my food salvation. I think even if a person didn't want to do lowcarb, or was temporarily off LC, still, getting enough protein -- like 100++g/day -- is just critical.

It's the difference between 'bounding' up my porch steps vs. walking them slowly with one foot on each like a little girl.

It's the difference between not even eating enough because getting up to make food takes too much energy, vs. feeling cabin fever and can't wait till I get off work to walk down to the store and then do some yard work for a few hours.

It's the difference between 'living' and 'existing'. Between feeling optimistic and interested vs. feeling just glad to get through another day. It's life-changing.

I know of people who at just over 300 can't walk without crutches, ride on carts in the stores, etc. Nearly everybody I see on the carts in walmart and that's a lot of people, is smaller than I am. I'm currently at 370 and I'm out doing landscaping work that works muscles in a way I literally could not have done at any previous time in the last 15 years.

I am finally getting it sunk into my head, slowly but surely, that MEAT IS FOOD and everything else is peripheral -- fun, nature's vitamins, but food=meat.

Lowcarb by its nature gets credit for two hugely important things that the title doesn't mention. First, getting enough protein, possibly for the first time in many peoples' lives. Second, by sheer accident, my initial LC trial got me completely off grains/gluten -- and milk. Severe asthma, allergies, severe acid reflux, brain-fog and a host of other problems literally just vanished. I honestly think these two points are nearly as important as actually lowering carbohydrates... especially for people who are morbidly obese.

I understand now why the Drs. Eades called it 'The Protein Power Life Plan' and not 'The Low Carbohydrate Life Plan'. Somehow I managed to go lowcarb but focus vastly more on the carbs I couldn't have, the carbs I shouldn't have, than the protein I MUST HAVE to function in a way resembling a healthy person.

"Eat Meat or Die." That's pretty much my motto now because it has to be.

My weight isn't going much of anywhere for a long time, but that doesn't mean I can't build muscle, build oxygen adaptation, and get a lot healthier--even if nothing else changes. So that's my focus for now.

I'm sorry it's been so long since I posted here.

PJ
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Tomboy Tough: It's Workout Time!

OK. I've lost enough weight now that I have to exercise.

Dammit.

I did some research on starting basic free weight forms that I could do with just a couple little weights they had at walmart. Most of these can be done just standing, or with a chair, or in one case a counter to lean against.

I made a nifty spreadsheet with all the info for a bunch of good starting forms, including details on doing it and links to a visual of how-to online. Find a sample of it and info at my new blog, Tomboy Tough. It is just for my exercise stuff.

And no, for the deviant males who have asked after seeing the title and design, it is NOT a lesbian blog. Sheesh. Men! ;-) (But what if it were? So?? Heh.)

I'm starting where I am, which is pretty much at ground zero. My first day is June 1 and it involves 2 x 30 seconds on an exercise bike, and 3# weights for a few shoulder exercises. It will grow, but I insist on starting so easy that I cannot possibly complain about the burden of expecting myself to do it.

Anybody who doesn't have or isn't using their exercise plan and wants to join a "google shared spreadsheet" with me, let me know via email (thedivinelowcarb@gmail.com). I figure the only way I can get off my butt to do this is if I have to 'fess up to friends.

"Exercise is not negotiable."
-- Dr. Richard Atkins


PJ
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A Bicycle Built for TwoOne Really Big Person

My town has no bike lanes. No sidewalks. The roads are steeply curved at the sides to deal with the Spring and Autumn rains. The sides are filled with gravel and whatnot, the 'whatnot' being things like maple tree 'seeds' that are 1.5 inches in diameter, spiked like a puffer fish, and hard enough to be used as artillary should China ever decide to invade Oklahoma.

And of course, most of the drivers are homicidal morons, because that is the way it is in every town.

I used to ride my bike to work, about 8 miles, when I was about 20. I was really into biking then, just loved it. I was using my older sister's racing bike, which is almost a different creature than the bikes I'd had before. Most bicycles, you turn the pedal, and the wheel turns with the pedal, and it is your job to turn the pedals well enough to push your weight plus the bike's weight. Racing bikes, you turn the pedal once and the bike flies off into the sunset with you clinging to it like a wild horse. I never knew that biking could be so fast, smooth, easy and fun. I took to riding the bike literally everywhere. My favorite was riding late at night when there wasn't much traffic in my town, with classical music in my walkman headphones. I always felt like I was the hero and it was my movie soundtrack.

Well, my ten year old daughter really wants a new bike. She hasn't had one in a few years, since her far-too-small bike was given away. And I'd love to get her one, but it isn't exactly the safest thing. Now, we do have "neighborhood streets", that while not exactly safe, are at least "reasonable" if you are paying attention. But there is no way I am sending her out alone. She has friends who ride alone all over town, and have for a couple of years. I guess I am a more neurotic mother. I just know that I couldn't live with the outcome of that if it wasn't good.

And of course, I can't ride a bike. I'm too fat. The hilarity of me even getting ON my exercise bike would probably make a great youtube video if it wasn't horrible. (And even off again, for that matter.)

I'd sure like to ride a bike though. I would sure like to ride with her through neighborhood streets over to the park, for example. It wouldn't take much to get to the point where I could, I think. As I dimly recall, a little practice goes a long way.

The only problem is that bicycle seats are small -- it would bruise me horribly -- and bicycles just aren't strong enough to hold my weight. The balance issue is not a problem in general, but is too risky at my weight; if I actually fell off my bike, which can happen to anybody, my weight plus momentum could break bones.

Now that I'm old, I actually like the idea of the big tricycles. I actually started liking them even when younger and thinner. They seem sort of bizarrely old-fashioned, in a way only a true luddite can appreciate.

I used to see those in magazine pictures all the time, some lovely young woman riding one with the groceries in the back basket, and some perfect child following with little bike and helmet and flag. I'm sure they're heavier, which would make riding them more difficult, but of course the perfect woman in the perfect picture never looked to have any problem with it.

I had dismissed the kid's pleading for a bicycle. She is not riding alone in this town, period. And I can't ride with her. So forget it. That sucks. Especially since SHE is getting chubby and desperately needs exercise. But that's the way it is.

Today I came across this, though:
http://www.supersizedcycles.com/site/1554167/product/CT517-9369359

A thousand bucks. Holds up to 550 lbs. A tricycle, with fenders and baskets and oversized seat, AND a battery backup motor that'll help you through hills, or help you get home if you get too far out and are exhausted.

For half the price, a regular bicycle with the high weight rating:
http://www.supersizedcycles.com/site/1554167/product/W884-8670573

I probably couldn't afford this for at least a year, as I have other things to save money for. Who knows? Maybe a year from now I could be down to 350 lbs, and even more willing to do some biking.

It's nice to know an option like that exists.

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Marathons of Enthusiasm

So the last few days I actually have the urge to physically DO something... not just sit as motionless as a rock all the time. This is a rather new urge for me. I've been so heavy and as a result, so sedentary, for so long that when I felt like "doing" something I had to ask myself, "Er.... like what would that be?!"

Yesterday I did two more stages in the chocolate muffin with lowcarb and high protein experiment. By version 1.7 (seven trials), I think it's pretty damn good personally. You could put cream cheese frosting on it and call it a cupcake. It does require some LC ingredients at least if you make it like I did. I call them Cocoa Muffins v1.7 (recipe link here). (If you're not a lowcarber.org member, here's a link to an image that has the recipe, nutrition count, instructions.)

Edit 1/8/07: Use version 1.8, here instead for much moister, chocolatey-er muffins. However, the calorie/fat count on this version is much higher, as it upped the oil a lot.

Today I spent three solid hours walking walmart with a heavy basket that cost me over 1/3 my paycheck. Sheesh! But I got a ton of kitchen utensils and stuff like that which I needed, and a bunch of meat for some major prep cooking, and as usual the kid made out like a bandit by the time it was over, with a new sweater, tennis shoes, a bunch of art supplies, and some fruit juices she wanted. I've made it clear that at the end of January when her dad departs, this house is lowcarb and that means her too, so she is living it up while she can!

It was more exercise without cease than I've done in eons. I was getting kind of weary and my back was "thinking about maybe complaining" when I finally got home, got the stuff in the kitchen and sat down.

Later around 11pm I got enthused and energetic again and decided I would go ahead and make the chili verde now instead of later. So I spent 1.5 hours just cleaning and chopping the various ingredients, only to realize I was very tired and my lower back was starting to complain. Then I realized I still had to cut up nearly 10lbs of pork and brown the outside before I could put everything in the crockpot.

I gave up my pride and begged my soon-to-be-ex husband to do it. Which was SO impolite, since it was 12:30am by the time I suggested he spend 90 minutes doing that! But he did and so tomorrow morning around 9:30am we will have a big ol' pot of chili verde. And there is more meat and less veg than usual this time so it's super lowcarb/high protein.

I'm frustrated that I keep forgetting to weigh, but when I did, my weight wasn't changing. I'm not moving fast enough to meet my goal in this 12 week cycle if I don't get my butt in gear. As of last Monday (a week ago), I finally got my protein up to an average of 100+g per day and my water to a minimum of 2qt per day. I thought this would greatly up my restroom habits and weight loss, but the weight didn't move and I keep wondering where the heck the food is all going since a lot of it doesn't seem to be leaving me!

Tomorrow I'm cooking a big seasoned briskett, as well as all this chili verde, so I will have a bunch of food frozen and refrigerated. Once the briskett is done, I think I might make burritos with lowcarb tortillas and pre-shredded cheese and wrap them tight in foil and freeze, for some nukable meals of that too.

Did you notice the nifty Flickr flash picture thing down on the left nav? I saw that at Lady Atkins' great blog and got myself one.

Anyway. I keep thinking that I have energy and get really upbeat about wanting to DO something (for once), and it goes well, but I tire out much sooner than I expect. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is... ah... not used to exercise. My body isn't yet keeping up with my enthusiasm!
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It's the New Year!!

Year 2007 Resolutions

SECTION A: Me Me Me

A1. I resolve to stop for at least 15 seconds within the first 30 minutes of waking up each day, to concentrate on FEELING GRATEFUL FOR MY LIFE, and FEELING LOVED, and FEELING HOPE ABOUT MY FUTURE. And to say, "Please help me" to the Divine. 15 seconds. How hard is this?

A2. I resolve for one year, this year, to care more about myself than others. My first duty is to myself. When I am happy and cared for, I can be of better help to all -- and a better, stronger example for my daughter. My motto is WWXD: What Would Xena Do?

A3. I resolve to bring regular exercise, at least 3 times per week to begin, into my life. This may have to begin with little more than counting how many seconds I can hold a half sit-up and things like that: that is fine. But it has to be something.

A4. I resolve to make a genuine effort to get at least 6 hours of sleep per night. If this means I don't get as much done and see my best friend less, then that is what it means. My health, my weight loss, my attitude, my mental clarity, are paramount.

A5. I resolve, when affordable, to get my nails done regularly. Though the left hand must be super-short, keeping the right hand short to moderate length but strong will be great for guitar, and keeping them up and painted will be a small concession to luxury and taking care of myself.

A6. I resolve to do at least one archetype meditation per week that is specific to either weight/size-loss, health, or something else important in my life. It doesn't have to take a long time. The impact of these on my reality is profound. There is no excuse for not taking 15 minutes for this.

That is all for the ME category.

I COME FIRST.

SECTION B: Kid Kid Kid

B1. I resolve as of February on to bring my entire house into lowcarb eating. I will supply fruits for snack, LC bread and LC tortillas, but otherwise the child will have to learn to eat lowcarb. There is no excuse as a mother for feeding her crap because it is faster/easier/she begs. She's nearly fat. My responsibility as a mother is to her health, more than to my convenience.

B2. I resolve to get the kid to bed at a decent hour nightly and without bedtime carbs. She is chronically sleep deprived, often unsupervised during the night, and has learned disrespect for my efforts on this front. Aside from which it probably greatly affects her HGH output and metabolism. I will do what is needed because that is my duty as a loving mother.

B3. I resolve to make the kid do stuff with me. Allowing her to play video games or whatever instead of helping me cook, allowing her to do no chores but be messy, is just bad for her, and it diminishes time spent together and her sense of contribution to our mutual life.

That is all for the KID category.

BETTER PARENTING NOW.

SECTION C: Food Food Food

C1. I resolve to use a kitchen timer so that every 90 minutes from waking to sleeping, I am reminded to drink as much water as I can hold. At the most this should involve approximately 6 minutes per day. Six minutes to greatly improve my weight loss, my skin hydration, my health. I can do this. This means filtering water and filling water bottles at night or morning. YES, I can do this.

C2. I resolve to take at least two days per month to do some major LC cooking that can be stored in the freezer. Examples: chili verde, chicken stew, a big turkey, big meatballs, LC burritos. It can make the diff between LC turkey and pepperjack with fresh vegg quesadilla for me and kid vs..... junk or starving.

C3. I resolve to at least mention my food a minimum of 5 out of 7 days per week in my lowcarb journal. Inattention to my eating (and to eating at all) contributes to poorer upkeep of the matter.

C4. I resolve to arrange for my breakfast the night before, so it has pre-planning and is more likely to happen. This is the hardest meal of the day for me so far, but it hugely affects how hungry I am and the effort I will make to eat the rest of the day. Now that I know several foods I can prepare in bulk, there is no reason why I can't arrange for something, even if it's just a couple mini-muffins, a couple meatballs, whatever.

That is all for the FOOD category.

FOOD IS A TOOL: USE IT WISELY.

SECTION D: Others Others Others

D1. I resolve to make a list of the people I need to communicate with and to make a point to email or write them something at least every six weeks. I am falling out of touch with people who care about me and hurting their feelings. It does not take much effort! Just a little organization.

D2. I resolve to visit my grandmother for a couple hours at least once a month. She's old, she lives 5 blocks away, there is just no excuse for not doing so. Ry must come. She can read a book if she's bored but she needs to learn that this is a family responsibility. When I am old I hope someone visits ME.

That is all for the "others" category.

CHARITY STARTS AT HOME.

And that is my 2007 list of resolutions!

I AM QUEEN OF MY DESTINY! RULE WELL.

Here's to a fabulous 2007!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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No pain, no... hey, just no pain, ok?

I'm pleased that my activity level has gone up so much in the last few days. I feel kind of proud of myself. Ya just wouldn't believe the amount of self-discipline and willpower and sheer effort it takes to be active in any way at my weight. I'm really working hard at it.

I've gone from being on my feet a total of 10 minutes a day (pre 9/18) to being on my feet several hours a day (mostly with cooking, cleaning and shopping). And I'm doing more 'going out to the car and going somewhere and coming back' since I'm now driving kid to/from school, as well as all her karate/dance lessons etc. (and shopping etc.) Pre 9/18 I'd get to the car and have to pant for awhile. I have to say my oxygen absorption has improved by light years, as I can now do quite a bit of exercise without panting. I may breathe more deeply but it's not the same.

My body, however, has its own opinions about my enthusiasm. My feet ache with every step, my knees don't want to bend, and if I bend at the waist or lean sideways, muscles all the way around my torso and especially in my back cry out in such pain that I wail out loud. Every motion is harder, even getting into my bed or getting up from a chair.

I spent 15-20 minutes in the kitchen this morning and had to leave because I was to the point where I could barely move. I dropped a lid and the thought of having to bend over another time to pick it up nearly made me cry. As fast as I could I grabbed my food and got out of there so I could go sit down and rest my back.

I feel like I got run over by something big and mean.
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Loco Motion

Be careful what you ask for, people always say, and of course they're right.

After telling my husband I would be doing the shopping, cooking and cleaning from now on, today was a real alpha-test of just how practical this is.

I got up at 6 and did some email, showered, woke up the kid, then spent an hour cooking and cleaning in the kitchen, just in time to scarf down food and drive her to school. Came back just in time to get ready for work at 8:30. Got off work just before 6pm, just in time to go to the grocery store and shop as we're missing many core ingredient-foods. Got home just in time to take the kid to her dance class. Class finished, dropped her friend home, and went to the store to shop for the ton of stuff I discovered we don't have in the kitchen. (Why is it that he doesn't buy all the non-food stuff needed, like paper/foil/plastic wraps, storage containers, paper towels, etc.? And we were out of every basic thing (like mayo, mustard). And my housekeeper stayed extra and cleaned out the cupboards today and we threw away a bunch of rusty stuff so I needed some new pans and implements.) We were also shopping (me and the kid) allegedly to buy her a couple clothing items but that was a real disaster of stubborn bad fashion taste and arguing with mom I don't want to get into right now, as I just found emotional equilibrium and don't want to blow it haha. Then I came home and, mercifully, talked DH into helping me bring the bags in from the car. Finally got all the stuff put away. It was midnight.

I normally spend about 5-10 minutes a day on my feet. Today it was well over 4 hours. My shoes are basically a form of house shoe, no padding/support whatever. My feet think they are in hell. I could barely walk by the time I got home.

And I never got a chance to eat after 8:30am.

I fell asleep sitting up an hour or so ago and just woke up, briefly I think, realized it's tomorrow already, and I have to get up in 4.5 hours.

Of course, this is the life I led for five years of single motherhood. This was one reason why, despite 4 of 5 years of marriage being to a 'roommate/friend', despite 5 years of single motherhood, I agreed to have her dad move back in with me -- I was so exhausted, and she was starting to do poorly in school, get chubby, I thought some help with good food and her schedule and having a dad around who could do exercise-ish things with her and so on might help. He hasn't really been all that useful, so that's that. But I see that a year and a half of pawning off responsibility for the food-world on someone else has made me soft!

And this day has made me utterly exhausted. Have you any idea how much fun it is NOT to walk around on bad shoes carrying well over 400lbs? With a body that adiposity mis-aligns in spine and hips, and with thighs too big so preventing straight steps, so the process is more like a slightly hunched forward Frankenstein duck-waddle?

The average person has a hard enough time exercising; note how few gym memberships are used after 3 months. Even just moving, for life, let alone exercise, is insanely more complicated and difficult and severely un-fun when a person is overweight, and more obese they are, the moreso.

For breakfast I got the kid kiwi fruits and I'm making soyrizo & eggs, and for lunch... I dunno. I have a lot of food. I don't think I could stuff another egg into my fridge right now. I need to dedicate quite a bit of time to a massive fridge cleaning... next project!

For another day. My feet are unconscious. My head keeps lolling, I am that wiped out. My daily personal "activity level" has just jumped by several orders of magnitude. I hope, eventually, this is a positive thing for my metabolism, at least! All this motion... so suddenly... is crazy.

Back to sleep now.